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Dear Mothers, It’s Not Your Wedding 

Have you planned a wedding before? If you have, you know it can be super stressful. Weddings can bring out the best and the worst in people. While people talk about Bridezillas and Groomzillas, there needs to be more focus on the Momzillas. Momzillas find every way to make their daughter’s or son’s big day all about them. 

With the wedding season starting and going until the fall, we thought it was the perfect time to send out this PSA. If your child is getting married this year, please follow our advice so you won’t be referred to as a Momzilla. 

1. Don’t Offer Unsolicited Advice

We know it can be tempting to want to share your ideas with the world…but don’t. See, the couple already has ideas for their dream day. Adding in unsolicited opinions from many different people only causes stress for the couple. They don’t need to know if you prefer a different accent color or if the flowers aren’t your specific taste. It’s not your wedding so it doesn’t have to be what you like.

However, if they ask you for advice, feel free to chime in. But please keep it polite. Say they ask your opinion between two things because they love both, don’t choose one and then attack the other. Just say, “I prefer the blue over the green.” No need to hurt anyone’s feeling because the couple doesn’t need to know exactly why you would never pick green.

2. Respect Their Wishes 

You might have your heart set on a beautiful ballgown in a grand setting. But maybe that isn’t the couple’s style. They want something more relaxed and lowkey and it’s okay. Don’t be offended if they just don’t see weddings the way you do. They will be getting a lot of opinions from friends, other family members, etc. Don’t make it a big deal to please you when they should be focusing on what makes them happy.

3. Don’t Force Tradition

Families might have many traditions. Some might be about wearing them same dress as their mother, other’s might be about religion. Don’t force these on your kids. In recent years, weddings have been less and less traditional. Your son might want a best woman instead of a best man. Your daughter might want to wear a flower in her hair instead of a veil. Don’t force your traditions on your kids because they could find them stuffy and boring. You can always ask but take no for an answer and drop it.

4. Don’t Try to Invite All of Your Friends

The bigger the guest list = the more expensive the wedding. Seriously, the per person cost determines how expensive the wedding will be. You don’t need your best friend from college or your former boss at the wedding. You only need the people who are special to the couple.

5. Never Say It’s Your Day Too

Spoiler alert: it’s not. Repeat it with us, it’s not your day. It’s only the couple’s day!

6. If the Bride or Groom Say No, Respect Their Decision 

And especially don’t say, “I was only trying to help.” That’s guilting and it’s a form of gaslighting. Their wedding day isn’t about your feelings and don’t put your emotional wellbeing on your kids. They have a right to tell you no.

7. Don’t Try to be the Center of Attention at Pre-Wedding Events 

Pre-wedding events include, but are not limited to the bridal shower, the engagement party and the rehearsal. We assume most moms don’t attend bachelor or bachelorette parties. Don’t try to make their celebrations all about you. We’ve seen this happen before. Parents will take their kid’s day and brag about themselves or criticize their kid for not listening to them more. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t make you look better. Everyone ends up feeling sorry for your kid instead.

8. Be Kind

At the end of the day, your child is getting married and is under a lot of pressure. Please be kind and don’t undermine them. Be happy that they found someone who makes them so happy.

20 thoughts on “Dear Mothers, It’s Not Your Wedding 

  1. My wedding day was nothing like I wanted to be, so I ended up throwing something together. My husband and I are coming up on 10 years of marriage and we are doing it OUR way this time. Good post.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What a good read!
    I never understand how mothers can sometimes takes moments like this, or even a pregnancy like their own.. it’s not because you birthed that person that it gives you the right to steal their moments 😬. You had yours, this is theirs and they can do whatever they want with it.

    I’ve read a story on reddit about how the groom’s mother wanted to wear her own wedding dress to THEIR wedding?! What the-

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great advice! It is important to have the couple make it their special day, but if the parents are paying for a good portion, and the venue can accomodate, I think that they should be able to invite some of their friends as well. If the couple are paying for it themselves they should be able to invite who they want. It’s hard to exclude because relationships can be effected. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Even if the parents pay, they should discuss the guest list with the couple. A close friend of the parents who knows their child is one thing, but we don’t think parents should invite people who their child has never met before.

      Like

  4. Yes, you are correct; the pair have already begun planning their ideal wedding. Adding in unwanted views from a variety of people just adds to the couple’s stress. They don’t need to know if you want a different accent color or if you don’t like the flowers.

    Liked by 1 person

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